So tomorrow I go back to work full-time. It seems weird to even type it. It’s been about 3 and a half years of changing schedules, different day-cares, pregnancies and learning to be a mom of 1, then 2 and finally 3 munchkins. It’s gone fast. Well, some of the days I spent at home did not go fast (I think time even stood still a lot of afternoons), but overall, I can’t believe that I’m standing on the ledge of yet another new adventure…going back to work full-time.
I’m going to work at UT Dallas…doing what I know and love…Fraternity and Sorority student advising and programming. I’m not worried about not knowing how to do the job. I’m worried that “I’m a grass is always greener” type of person and I’ll start wondering how I gave up the part-time work gig. The gig that everyone describes to me as being “ideal”.
It has been ideal…for the last 3.5 years and now full-time is going to be ideal.
I think getting to really gain some new experiences, spread my wings and try to put my all into my job again is going to give my family a better mom, a better wife and give me back the ME I know and love.
It’s been a good ride…staying at home a few days a week with my kids has allowed me to push myself in a whole new way. It allowed me to create some incredible memories with my very young kids. It is a time of my life that has shaped me more than most (read: this was the toughest job I have ever had).
My hat goes off to all those moms who stay at home full-time…you really have one of the hardest jobs on earth. Kuddos to you!
But I’m ready…ready to join that other group of moms…who face their own insecurities and guilt through splitting their time between a job outside the home and their kids.
I’ve learned a lot over the past few years about how one’s identity really can be determined by their work…I’ve tried to let my identity organically just emerge when I was trying to stay at home and work outside the home. It was tough. I felt like most of the time I didn’t do either one very well. I had trouble some days associating with full-time stay at home moms and felt like no one at my work understood my schedule or my responsibilities. But that’s what you get when you try to live in two different worlds.
Sean tells me all the time that he’s proud of me for just giving the staying at home thing a try…a real try…three years worth of a try. I’m proud of me too.
I’m proud that despite the constant change that we’ve gone through for the last 7 years of our marriage…we are not afraid to make some more.
The drop-off looks steep as I look over this ledge, but if I can survive staying at home with 3 kids under that age of 4, you can’t scare me.
Here’s to a great day for all the Murphys tomorrow.
Briana is so excited to go to her new school tomorrow. She picked out her outfit tonight, packed her backpack, and told me there was no way she could go to sleep due to her excitement! I’m typing this so that I can remember her excitement level when she clings to my leg tomorrow with tears rolling down her face during drop-off.
Bauer says he just wants to play trains at school. Crossing my fingers that there is one close to the door that I can show him before he realizes what is happening…goodbye Bauer, have a great day…mom starts sprinting for the exit.
Bennett has mastered the army crawl forward tonight. I’m so glad he decided to do it for Sean and I before he went to school tomorrow. There is just something about picking up your baby at school and they tell you he did something great (that you have never seen) to make you wonder why you ever leave his side. But I don’t have to worry about that now since he crawled for us tonight. Thanks buddy for going easy on your mom!
There is give and take to every new arrangement. I’m sure I’ll miss those cuddly movie mornings when no one wants to get out of their pajamas and those playdates with our favorite Naders when we would try to put a dinner together when whatever we could find in the refrigerator.
I won’t miss the poopy diapers and the constant power struggle come nap-time.
Give and take…I’ll keep that in mind tomorrow as I walk into my first day.
Thanks for all the support!