So I’m an official iphone owner now! And by official I mean I have my first cracked screen! My beloved iphone has a spider web of cracks down its shiny face! Luckily the can of Pam baking spray that fell out of the cabinet onto it while I was cooking dinner (yep, this is the reward I get for actually cooking dinner) hit the top right corner so the main screen is still readable and usable. You just have to look a bit closer through the lines scrolling down the screen.
To say I lost it a little bit would be an understatement. I was mainly mad because I have been trying to leave my phone in the bedroom once I’m home so I can will not be as distracted around the kids. I had only brought it out of the bedroom to look up how long to cook tilapia (yep I was cooking fish). And boom, cracked screen.
A few passive, aggressive pouts and loud words later, the kids had distanced themselves from the crazy. I somehow tried to blame Sean for my broken screen because I felt apparently at that moment I was only cooking dinner for him. He didn’t distance himself quite fast enough.
I did bring myself back down to the perspective of #firstworldproblems pretty quick and Sean ordered me a new screen which he will expertly install this weekend! No harm no foul! Right???!!!
Using the phone with the shattered screen this week has really got me thinking. I have captured some pretty amazing videos and photos of my kids this week despite not being able to see them as well when I record them. The videos still turn out perfect (except when I turn my phone and they come out sideways – when will I learn???). The pictures I’ve taken are still adorable (#biasedmom). I can text and send messages and no one knows or cares that my screen is shattered.
I think it was a good reminder to me that our physical being will never be perfect. We are all slightly (or on somedays) completely cracked. But it doesn’t mean we can’t say a nice word to someone or smile as we walk down the hall. It doesn’t mean you can’t be successful at work or as a parents or have an incredible idea. Most of the time we are the only ones who even know we are cracked. It upsets us more than anyone else.
I’m reading this book right now online with a group of ladies called Limitless Life. It talks about all the negative labels (cracks) we put on ourselves that hold us back from living the life we can and should live. God didn’t put any labels on us, that is all our own doing. I’m working hard to identify all those labels and get rid of them. When I started reading the book I thought the only way to get rid of the negative ones was to replace them with positive ones. However, after further thought that just seems silly. Labels are labels. They still hold us back. My prayer is that I can wake up each day and just try to be the best Julie I can be. It may look different every day. I just want to work hard while being a present mother, wife and friend. I want to be grateful. I want to be God loving. I want to be authentic, cracks and all.
This takes the pressure off. It doesn’t make me less cracked but it takes the focus off the cracks. It is easy to hide behind labels. But once you take them off, life really can be limitless. Hopefully I can make this my true reality everyday. Lots of prayers ahead.
Metaphorically, having no labels means I am still taking pictures with the cracked phone and making memories in this amazing life. God and those who know me intimately know my cracks and love me anyhow. Apparently, I’m the only one who is having a hard time loving my cracked self.
I look at my kids and know that these guys head to dream land each night knowing that they get a fresh start the next day. They aren’t perfect and I definitely know their cracks better than even they do. But they live fully regardless of obstacles and frustrations they come across (and you know there are a lot of frustrations for 3, 5 and 7 year olds).
My biggest gift to them as their mom is that they see me loving myself and this life so they won’t ever stop doing the exact same thing! It is a limitless life and I pray that God can help me shred my insecurities and fear about the future and just live the life he has planned.
This is one of the most thought provoking lines I’ve read in Limitless Life so far: “God has a stunning vision for your life, but if He showed it to you all at once, it would be too much to handle. In His grace, He gives small glimpses at a time and His unimaginable vision for your life can only unfold as you have the courage, like David, to move into the unknown.” (Gray, 2014)
Here’s to new adventures minus the labels and a limitless life!